Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
