How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
