3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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