I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
