Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
