this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
