Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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