So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
