New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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