one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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