I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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