My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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