I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
