I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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