brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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