He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
