So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
