Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i came on her dog
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
