Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
