I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
