Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
