maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
