I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
