Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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