I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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