first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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