this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
