why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
