they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
