I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
