my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
