it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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