I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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