Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Randomize
