please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
