There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
