I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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