Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Randomize
