Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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