I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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