Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
