We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
