my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
