I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
