My pussy is not your playground.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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