Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
