oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
