You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
