just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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