She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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