i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
