I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
