He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
