Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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