she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
